I believe it was Red Smith who reportedly said it’s really very easy to be a writer – all you have to do is sit down at the typewriter and open a vein.
I often would think of this line when I sat down to write. But now I think of it differently, too, in relation to our God as Author of All.
Before I was a Christian, I used to be really bothered by Christianity’s associations with blood. Such phrases as “He shed His blood for you,” and “by His blood we are washed clean” made me cringe as literal images of being immersed in bloody bathtubs came to mind. It all seemed very Carrie to me (if you are as old as me and remember well the 1970’s cult classic film based on Stephen King’s novel).
In fact, just strolling past the “Precious Blood” monastery made me shudder. This blood as recompense thing … this human sacrifice to somehow appease an angry God … well it all seemed a tad bit gothic, if you asked me.
Even after I became a Christian, at times the verbage still bothered me. It seemed that believers threw Jesus’ blood in my face, that sometimes the clichés flew fast and thick, and they seemed, well … how else to put it again, but freaky.
I mean, how can a religion that claims to overcome the trappings of idols and polytheism and superstitious ritual be so soaked in … blood?
The blood factor tended to be one of those elements of my faith that I found more convenient to overlook, to not quite settle upon for very long.
Until I recently found myself soaked in blood. Quite literally.
Then the connection – and the profound meaning – so beyond cliché, so beyond the trite and the vampiric Hallowe’eny – came crashing in like a tidal wave of recognizance.
One of those great cosmic clicks on my inner combination lock that whispered, and shouted …
I get it.
I get it!
Here’s how I bled into a better understanding …
A week after I gave birth to our beautiful son, I suffered a severe postpartum hemorrhage. There was blood everywhere. I was taken by ambulance to the ER, and remained hospitalized for another several days.
It was a scary, vulnerable and physically humbling time. Here I had the joy of a new baby in front of me, but I was too weak to do much more than nurse him. As I recovered over the last few weeks, I could barely get out of bed, let alone take care of my other children.
I realized that the loss of blood had taken everything I had. And then some.
This was the cost of paying for my child’s life.
During my recovery I yearned for Scripture. Once I had the strength to reopen my Bible, I returned to where I had been reading in Hebrews. Lo and behold, I was faced with the following passages from chapter 9 entitled “The Blood of Christ” (I’m not kidding). In particular, I wish to share these lines with you:
How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!
For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance – now that he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant …
In fact, the law requires that nearly everything be cleansed with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.
Blood circulates our physical bodies and animates us just as God’s forgiveness flows through our redeemed bodies and will raise our resurrected ones.
The blood God shed for us signifies the ultimate sacrifice: His own life given for ours, and the life He holds most dear in His beloved son is given as well.
That He would bleed for us in human form – as His only begotten son, also precious to Him beyond measure – speaks even more to me of the cost of His act. That He would give Himself, and His Son (the two as one, and yet distinct) blows apart any confines of cliché.
Yes, I love my child. I would give my life, without hesitation, for my child. But would I also give my child’s life to save another? My child’s life is more precious than even my own.
By giving both there is simply nothing else to give. I am bled out … I am spent. It indeed is finished. And the one I would give such sacrifice for is covered by the immensity of the gift.
Trauma prepares us for resurrection.
Again and again, I have learned this in life. In the facing or fear or acceptance of death. I think of this in the speeding ambulance, in the dark quiet of my hospital room.
The law is only a shadow of the good things that are coming – not the realities themselves. (Hebrews 10.1)
Redemption is traumatic, as epitomized by the agony of the Cross. As illuminated by the epiphanies we have when faced with immense suffering, acute danger, or even our own deaths.
But along with the “buying back” comes the forgiveness. One couldn’t happen without the other. And that is why without their combination in the gift of grace, we cannot get to the resurrection part.
We cannot be reborn until we acknowledge the cost of that birth.
And then we appreciate – in terms of realizing its worth, our worth, in God, and thus recovering and increasing in our true dignity as righteousness.
Is this what it takes to bleed us into being, to write our stories in His blood?
I respond now not with the fear or ridicule of misunderstanding, but with the awe and praise of having but a mere taste of comprehension …
And I wonder …
How to live the words of my life as worthy of the opening of God’s vein?
NOTE TO MY READERS: I have two quick disclaimers here, friends: First, I hesitated sharing personal health information on a public blog, but then realized my personal growth in God was too meaningful (at least to me) not to share as a result of my last few weeks. I tried to spare you the details J And second, I do apologize for not posting here more regularly during the past few weeks. It has been a busy season with baby, recovery and the wrapping up of my next book. But I aim to be here more often now, and hope you will join me.
Lover of God, happy wife, mama to 4, writer, teacher, author of 
Wow — what a beautiful spiritual revelation and meditation! On a related note, I have been thinking a lot, lately, about the connections between birth and death and how amazingly similar they are. The labor of death is often much longer, and maybe more agonizing on a spiritual level, yet it is only by going through that “labor” that we are born into everlasting life. Just as birth into this life is hard and probably very frightening for the little one being born, it becomes something beautiful in the end, as he/she learns to love this new life they have been given. I often wonder if our entrance into life eternal will be something similar, only on a much grander scale.
Labor – seems such a “curse” as it was in the original garden, and yet through grace we are brought through it back to Him. I wonder with you on the entrance into the eternal. Such beautiful thoughts, friend!
Being close to death deepens something in us. Somehow it brings us closer to life. “It is better to go to the house of mourning, than to go to the house of feastig: for that is the end of all men; and the living will lay it to his heart. Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning…” Proverbs 7:2-4.
But we know that a merry heart doth good like medicine, and I am very glad that you are recovering and your son is well! Personally, I had a bad bleed after my first (don’t go to Walmart one week post partum)but it stopped on it’s own and the ambulance left. The same thing with the next two, so I was bedridden for two weeks after all the children. I’m glad you shared. You’ve deepened and widened my understanding of the Blood too.
Yes, Holly, as so true and beautifully put. Wow – I’m grateful my bleed happened at home. Can’t imagine being out at Walmart. Bless your heart! Ah, the things we moms go through, eh? Thanks for sharing here, too.
Growing up in a charismatic church, I pretty well divorced myself from the meaning of Christ’s blood. Because you’re absolutely right: it’s freaky if you really think about what those words mean. But then hearing your perspective has put a whole new spin on it for me. Thank you for deciding to share this with us, Caro. I’m relieved to hear you’re OK. What a scary experience! No pressure and no guilt as to your posting schedule right now- you have an excellent excuse. We’ll be here when you’re ready to write regularly again.
You are always so supportive, Leigh. Thank you. It does my soul good to see you here!
Thank you for sharing!!! I am so sorry for your and your family’s trauma but I rejoice that you are recovering. Isaiah 45:3 is one of my favorite verses to bring me through difficult seasons. Thank you for sharing your treasures: I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.
I miss your writing and I look forward to your future post. In Christ, Jaime
What a great verse, Jaime. Thanks for the gift!
Oh precious Caro. Such beautiful words filled with endless truth. For this we will glorify Him forever. So glad for renewed strength. Praying for full restoration.
I always feel your prayers. My love to you, my friend – you are so busy and yet you always carry everyone in prayer with such love. You are amazing!
Wow! I’m going to have to read this over and over again. This is really meaningful and helpful. I have often heard the phrase “claim the blood of Christ over a situation” and have often done so, even though I didn’t really understand what that meant. This post has helped me to clarify in my own mind what it means. I think that basically when I pray this, I am saying, “I surrender all to you, God, because this situation is way bigger than me. I need your help, because you alone are able!”
I am so glad to hear that you are recovering and hope and pray that you will continue to do so!
Thank you once again for touching and encouraging this aging heart with your inspiring words. Truly life giving.
I respond deeply to your honesty and greatly appreciate your sharing from a “personal” life experience base. You’re simply terrific – a real gift to the Body of Christ. I’m considering appointing myself president of your fan club!
How delightful are you, Janice! Thanks for the boost :) The admiration is mutual!
Thanks, Jeanine. I like how you put things above. I will have to repeat that to myself as well. Good wisdom to hold close.
my reply to you went below under Janice, Jeanine. Sorry about that!
I am very touched by what you shared about Christ’s blood.
It was with wonder that I for the first time, realize that He bled out in order that I may walk in redemption. The part in Hebrews,”…who through the eternal Spirit offered himself
unblemished to God” has more meaning, now, than it did before I read your writing. Thank you, you have blessed an old woman’s heart.
You have made my day, Elise. I’m so glad this spoke to you as it did to me. I give thanks for our connection in Him.
Wow, Caro. What a frightening and exhausting thing to happen. And what a powerful picture of the saving power of Jesus’ blood – freaky as that sometimes sounds. I am truly sorry for yet another birth-related complication and trust that you are truly resting and recovering without trying to do too much. As your other commenters have said – no rush, take your time. BE WELL. First and foremost.
Thanks, dear Diana. You are always so good to me, and so wise and caring! This did come out of the blue and surprised us, but still not as hard as with the twins. But I do have great compassion now for those I’ve heard who’ve dealt with it – never underwent it before. I’m on the mend, though, and so enjoying this little “dessert” baby :)
This thoughtful post about a vital element of our faith called to my mind the chapter titled Blood in Kathleen Norris’ “Amazing Grace.” I especially liked these lines: “The Incarnation remains a scandal to anyone who wants religion to be a purely spiritual matter, an etherized, bloodless bliss. It remains a scandal to Christians who fear and despise the human body, or those who want to hear only of a Jesus who is all-knowing, all-powerful – surely not the human being of Matthew or Mark, subject to temptation and ordinary emotions such as irritation and weariness.”
Yes! Great connection, Margie! I loved Norris’ book and hadn’t thought of this entry, but you are so right. I will have to go back and re-read. I love how she addresses so many phrases and words we Christians tend to toss around or recoil from. A provocative, wonderful read.
We have been studying about Noah in Genesis 9: “3 Every moving thing that is alive shall be food for you; I give all to you, as I gave the green plant. 4 Only you shall not eat flesh with its life, that is, its blood. 5 Surely I will require [b]your lifeblood; [c]from every beast I will require it. And [d]from every man, [e]from every man’s brother I will require the life of man.
6 “Whoever sheds man’s blood,
By man his blood shall be shed,
For in the image of God
He made man.”
Life and blood are held synonymous, lifeblood. And when I think of the molecular makeup of blood, with all its components at the cellular level, I am amazed. And that this small river flows through our veins providing oxygen to every cell of our body, cells with such varying and different functions, I stand in awe. As a science girl blood has never bothered me.
When I think of the intricacy of our biological systems, it is easy for me to translate how we need His blood, His Holy Spirit to be our transfusion in our spirit.
Simply, that He is our protection against the second death…Revelation 21:8
“But for the cowardly and unbelieving and abominable and murderers and immoral persons and sorcerers and idolaters and all liars, their part will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.”
His word warns us what is coming, we need to listen and take refuge in Him. In His lifeblood.
Fascinating reflection! I too stand amazed at His hand in every detail, Sarah. Thanks for highlighting this here.
So glad you’re ok… and take it easy! Don’t apologise for not writing, you’ve been plenty busy doing important stuff like surviving.
Love this insightful post :)
You are terrific :) Though the writing IS therapeutic!
Ha–if only writing were that easy–everybody could be a writer (maybe a little pale and limp, but still a writer)!
Ha! So true! Love that image :)
Carolyn, thanks for sharing this wonderful article. Never having met you, I still feel so relieved all is well and do appreciate your insight. (Also, I see you’ve become a member of the same writing association I’m with, TWG–so glad to welcome you!)
On another note, I was delighted to be able to mention your wonderful memoir, SURPRISED BY OXFORD, in a recent post appearing on a large site–as I’m currently on book tour for my own novel, THE THIRD GRACE. If you’d like to read the interview where you appear, check it out today (or you might have to scroll down if you wait too many days): http://www.abookishlibraria.blogspot.ca/2012/10/the-third-grace-by-deb-elkink-interview.html
How thoughtful of you, Deb! Thanks so much. And yes, am greatly looking forward to the Writers’ Guild group – such a lovely group of folks. I’m looking forward to reading your novel here very soon! On my list of reads while i’m up nursing at night :)
So glad you are well and that you were compelled to share how God spoke to you through this difficult experience!